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We met.
Casual greetings;
     we shared music once.
That was July.

You sickened.
An deep infection;
     weeks spent in the hospital.
That was August.

We talked.
Brief conversations;
     why did I get the jitters?
That was October.

You asked.
Homemade macaroni and a concert;
     I said yes.
That was November.

You called.
Emergency hospital visit;
     eleven hours holding your hand.
That was December.

I left.
Distant education;
     distant tears.
That was January.

We phoned.
Bonding over the miles;
     A tenuous love.
That was February.

We talked.
Nervous questions;
     the ‘M’ word?
That was March.

I visited.
So awkward;
     suddenly too close.
That was April.

You confessed.
“There’s someone new.”
      I wept.
That was May.

We chatted.
Long discussions about weather;
     a cold snap.
That was June.

You whispered.
“I don’t deserve to be happy.”
     “I never stopped loving you.”
That was July.

“I never stopped loving you....”
©2005-2010 ~Shelagnoa
:iconshelagnoa:

Author's Comments

My first poetry for a long time. This is my second or third draft, written about 3:00AM this morning. I'm not sure if the timeline at the end of each stanza is a good idea, anyone have any suggestions? By the way, the first July is 2004.

Anyway, this is 100% factual, and the quotes are unaltered. :bulletblue:

Comments


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:iconfoellerei:
I like it! Great lob, kind of the texture is very exciting!

--
:spotlight-left: :pokejark: -> :jarksaber: -> :jedi: -> :greenprobe:-> :spyed2: -> :spyedvsjark: -> :jarkinajar: -> :pokeball: :spotlight-right:
:iconprosepetals:
The timeline is an interesting facet to this. I like it, personally, since it lends greater understanding to layers.

Overall, I like the structure of this...but a few points I need to chew on further. *tilts head* (at work right now, so not able to focus as I'd like). Will return to this one.

:hug:

--
"...I can be cruel, but let me be gentle with you..."

~~Be careful...it's dumb out there.
:iconwhiskerwing:
Not that I can critique poetry at all -- but I CAN say it looks like october and november are repeated.

And the timeline at the end is nice, so long as it has an actual purpose -- since the poem is intended to be an entire year, it does. If the months have some sort of meaning beyond that which relates to each section, that's even better.

I'll admit to being thrown on the whole "sick in the hospital" leads to "away to school". The sickness doesn't seem to have much to do with the way it ended, even though it takes up two of the months.

Again, not a big poetry fan, so all of this is probably meaningless.

*lovehugs* I'll give good reviews when you get back into fantasy prose. =]

--
"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the
fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it
is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the
grass wherever you may be."
Hidden by Owner
Hidden by Owner
:iconshelagnoa:
Yikes!! Fixed that one, quick! ^^; I thought it looked longer than it should be.

Well, each stanza is a different event, not necessarily directly connected to the event preceding it. "Sick in the hospital" to "away to school" is one of them. The sickness was predominant in our relationship; he had a LOT of health problems. If he wasn't in the hospital he was having moods wings from different combinations of medicines or he was in a lot of pain. It had a HUGE effect on us. That's why it's included twice.

And no, your comments are not meaningless! Thanks much for commenting! :hug: :bulletblue:

--
Inept! Inept! Fatal id10t error encountered, system authentication error. Please check system between keyboard and chair as a connector may be malfunctioning. :bulletblue:
:iconwhiskerwing:
LOL, my comments may not be meaningless, but my poetry critiques almost always are. =]

*fills this comment with meaning, much like a jelly donut*

=] And aha, not connected with the event preceeding it. See, this is why I like linear stories. XD *huggleglomps*

--
"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the
fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it
is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the
grass wherever you may be."
:iconshelagnoa:
Yay jelly donut!! :heart: :bulletblue:

--
Inept! Inept! Fatal id10t error encountered, system authentication error. Please check system between keyboard and chair as a connector may be malfunctioning. :bulletblue:
Hidden by Owner
:iconmeshara:
It's a cool poem...and I do like the timeline...it has an interesting over all effect...sorry ^^; I'm not one of those good critiquers...but I like your poem :hug:

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September 12, 2005
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