We met.
Casual greetings;
we shared music once.
That was July.
You sickened.
An deep infection;
weeks spent in the hospital.
That was August.
We talked.
Brief conversations;
why did I get the jitters?
That was October.
You asked.
Homemade macaroni and a concert;
I said yes.
That was November.
You called.
Emergency hospital visit;
eleven hours holding your hand.
That was December.
I left.
Distant education;
distant tears.
That was January.
We phoned.
Bonding over the miles;
A tenuous love.
That was February.
We talked.
Nervous questions;
the M word?
That was March.
I visited.
So awkward;
suddenly too close.
That was April.
You confessed.
Theres someone new.
I wept.
That was May.
We chatted.
Long discussions about weather;
a cold snap.
That was June.
You whispered.
I dont deserve to be happy.
I never stopped loving you.
That was July.
I never stopped loving you....















Comments
--
Overall, I like the structure of this...but a few points I need to chew on further. *tilts head* (at work right now, so not able to focus as I'd like). Will return to this one.
--
"...I can be cruel, but let me be gentle with you..."
~~Be careful...it's dumb out there.
And the timeline at the end is nice, so long as it has an actual purpose -- since the poem is intended to be an entire year, it does. If the months have some sort of meaning beyond that which relates to each section, that's even better.
I'll admit to being thrown on the whole "sick in the hospital" leads to "away to school". The sickness doesn't seem to have much to do with the way it ended, even though it takes up two of the months.
Again, not a big poetry fan, so all of this is probably meaningless.
*lovehugs* I'll give good reviews when you get back into fantasy prose. =]
--
"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the
fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it
is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the
grass wherever you may be."
Well, each stanza is a different event, not necessarily directly connected to the event preceding it. "Sick in the hospital" to "away to school" is one of them. The sickness was predominant in our relationship; he had a LOT of health problems. If he wasn't in the hospital he was having moods wings from different combinations of medicines or he was in a lot of pain. It had a HUGE effect on us. That's why it's included twice.
And no, your comments are not meaningless! Thanks much for commenting!
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Inept! Inept! Fatal id10t error encountered, system authentication error. Please check system between keyboard and chair as a connector may be malfunctioning.
*fills this comment with meaning, much like a jelly donut*
=] And aha, not connected with the event preceeding it. See, this is why I like linear stories. XD *huggleglomps*
--
"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the
fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it
is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the
grass wherever you may be."
--
Inept! Inept! Fatal id10t error encountered, system authentication error. Please check system between keyboard and chair as a connector may be malfunctioning.
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